Every child has basic rights from birth. However, knowing that these rights exist is not the same as being able to effectively defend them. In today’s world, children need not only protection, but also the ability to make their voices heard, express themselves, and defend their rights when necessary. These skills shape both their current lives and their future stance. So, what can we do as parents, teachers, and adults to help children gain this important awareness? Here are 5 effective tips on how to teach children to defend their own rights…
1. Respect the child’s right to self-expression
‘I don’t like being called that. I want you to call me by my name…’
Teaching children that they have the right to express how they want to be addressed gives them the ability to own their identities. This is also an indication that they should be respected as individuals. As adults, we need to listen to children’s statements without belittling or judging them. Showing them that their name is an identity and that they have the right to be called however they want to be called strengthens their self-esteem.
Children who know their emotions are better able to defend themselves
A child being able to say, “I don’t want you to call me that,” is not just about words. This expression is a sign that they are starting to know themselves and are aware of their limits. Children who can recognize and name their feelings can more clearly describe the discomfort they experience and express themselves instead of remaining silent in the face of injustice. For this reason, children need to be reminded frequently that their feelings are valid and important. Supporting children’s emotional awareness with sentences like, “You feel angry, it’s good that you told me this,” forms the basis of advocacy for rights.
2. Teach them to set boundaries and say ‘No’
‘You are responsible for your body, I am responsible for mine.’
Teaching children that their bodies belong to them is a fundamental step in terms of them defending their rights. In order for them to be able to resist unwanted physical contact (hugs, kisses, pushing, etc.), it is necessary to support their right to say ‘No.’ This sentence is a very strong start for children to realize their personal boundaries and learn to protect them. Setting boundaries is not shameful or rude; on the contrary, it is the foundation of healthy relationships.
Rights cannot be defended without being taught physical boundaries.
The child being able to say, ‘You are responsible for your own body, and I am responsible for mine’ shows that they have learned the right to protect their physical integrity. Children can sometimes be exposed to unwanted physical contact. Even if this contact is well-intentioned, if the child is uncomfortable, they should be able to say stop. At this point, it is very important for adults to give children space. Saying ‘You don’t have to hug if you don’t want to’ means respecting the child’s right to determine and defend their own boundaries. Thus, children grow up to be individuals who respect the boundaries of others but also protect their own boundaries.
3. Give them the right to make decisions
‘I’ll play with someone else.’
Children should be able to decide who they want to play with, where they want to spend time, and what games they prefer. Allowing them to make such choices fosters their sense of independence. They also learn ways to express their preferences without hurting others’ feelings. This skill makes it easier for them to resist social pressures later in life.
Making choices is part of being a rights holder
Some adults may ignore children’s decisions in an effort to guide them. However, a child who can say, “I’ll play with someone else,” is expressing that they have made a choice that is respectful of both themselves and the other person. The freedom to make choices strengthens the child’s self-confidence and sense of independence. Supporting children in such small but meaningful moments of decision lays the foundation for their advocacy of rights. Every child should be able to choose a friend at times and choose not to participate in an activity at other times.
4. Create a safe space for them to express their feelings
‘It’s my turn, I’ll give it to you when I’m done.’
It’s also important to defend your rights while learning to share. Children can often be pressured to share their toys. However, this sentence includes both protecting their own rights and empathizing with the other person. In order for the child to express himself/herself, he/she should be allowed to express his/her feelings and intentions clearly, without being rushed. This attitude strengthens the child’s sense of self and helps him/her to protect his/her boundaries in a healthy way.
5. Normalize asking for help
‘I will ask this person for help.’
When faced with a problem, it is not a weakness for children to seek adult support, but a strong act of self-defense. It is necessary to teach that asking for help is not something to be ashamed of, but rather a search for a solution. This sentence shows that the child is aware of his/her own safety and needs and is taking a step towards a solution. Parents and teachers should encourage this behavior by being open and non-judgmental towards children’s calls for help.
Asking for help is not a weakness, it is a strong step.
When a child encounters a problem and can say, ‘(Teacher, mother, father etc.) can help us’, it is an indication that they have developed a solution-oriented approach. We should explain to children that it is normal for them to need help and that being strong does not mean that they can do everything on their own. Asking for support from an adult they trust increases their capacity to trust those around them. This ensures that the child is not left alone, especially in more serious situations such as bullying, discrimination or injustice. A child who learns to ask for help will not hesitate to take steps to defend their rights when necessary.