Gwyneth Paltrow and Nicole Avant are openly discussing their experiences with parenting.
At the Visionary Women’s International Women’s Day Summit held at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, PEOPLE had the opportunity to hear them speak.
In their dialogue, Goop founder Paltrow, aged 51, asked former U.S. ambassador to the Bahamas, Avant, aged 56, about her approach to being a stepmother to “two amazing human beings, Tony and Sarah.”
Before Avant could reply, Paltrow inquired if there were other stepmothers present in the audience.
After receiving a brief round of applause, Paltrow humorously remarked, “Yeah, it’s a challenge, right, folks? No, seriously, I find it valuable to discuss this because it has been one of the most significant learning experiences in my life. My personal growth stemmed from the initial difficulties I faced with my stepkids, and now they’re like my own children.”
Paltrow has two children with her ex-husband, Chris Martin, and two stepchildren with Brad Falchuk, the co-creator of American Horror Story, whom she married in 2018. Despite her affection for her stepchildren, Paltrow admitted that “the journey here was quite rocky.”
She described raising stepchildren as requiring one to embody the spirit of the sun, giving without expecting anything in return.
“I learned to shine like the sun and never keep score,” she added.
Avant, married to Ted Sarandos, co-CEO of Netflix, discussed her experience co-parenting Sarandos’s two children from a previous relationship.
“It was incredibly challenging. Sarah was 14 and Tony was 12,” Avant shared, referring to them as “halfway developed kids.” “I constantly had to reaffirm and assert my identity. It felt like my identity was being challenged every single day. I wasn’t trying to replace their mother, but suddenly I was the girlfriend they loved and wanted their father to marry,” she explained.
Avant admitted it was sometimes “heartbreaking.”
She recalled seeking parenting advice from her late mother, Jacqueline Avant, during tough times. “I remember calling my mom, and she said, ‘The only advice I can give you is to reclaim your power and the energy of your home. If you don’t control the energy of your home, someone else will. They are young and don’t know how to run a home, and it’s your home. You have to set boundaries.'”
Nicole acknowledged facing resistance at times, with responses like, “I don’t like you even more.”
Despite initial challenges in establishing boundaries with Sarah and Tony, Nicole reassured the audience that following her mother’s advice brought her closer to them than ever before.
“I wanted to have a focused and honest conversation, especially on my mom’s birthday,” Nicole said. Jacqueline Avant would have turned 84 on March 6.
Jacqueline passed away on Dec. 1, 2021, after being shot during a robbery at her Beverly Hills home. She was 81 years old.
As a renowned music executive, Clarence Avant, Nicole’s father, was recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Paltrow was among the first friends to support Nicole after the tragic incident.
“My dad always said, ‘I don’t have problems. I have friends.’ Now I understand what he meant, because I lived it,” Nicole shared with PEOPLE in 2023. “Without my friends showing up without me having to ask, I don’t know if I’d be sitting here as I am today.